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12 Things I Thought About Whilst Painting This Week

01 October 2014
I've been painting my room on-and-off for the last week or so, and it's given me a lot of time inside my head, flip-flopping between serious issues and absolute nonsense. It's what I like to call... Brain Vomit. Like word vomit, except in thought form, obvs. Whilst sporadically thrusting a paint-drenched roller onto the wall, my mind seems to wander and find itself in that weird part of the brain, just like it does with any other mundane task, and it's only when you take a second to reflect, you realise just how weird you are...

Here are a few things I've thought about, in detail, this past week:

- I really want to take a suitcase to one of the bridges in London, wear a suit, and powerfully walk down it singing the theme tune of The Apprentice.

- I feel like my life is leading up to me becoming Jerry from Parks and Recreation.

- Why isn't decorating as easy as 60 Minute Makeover made it look?

- Why was Crazy Frog ever a thing?

- If I was famous, I'd call my fans Pasketarians.

- I wonder how much the White House would go for on eBay.

- What's Michelle McManus up to these days? I hope she's happy, she seemed so lovely.

- What if the dogs just let themselves out?

- Why did I ever think having flat longer hair was a good idea?

- Imagine if aliens were real and their first experience of Earth was an episode of Jeremy Kyle.

- If I auditioned for The X Factor I'd sing a medley of Total Eclipse Of The Heart, Say My Name and Welcome To The Black Parade to show off my versatility.

- What actually is quinoa?
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